Cyber Monday

When everywhere is doing sales and I finally realized it is Black Friday, I thought about buying something. I remembered I usually have a shopping list for this day, but I didn’t plan to buy anything this time. When I saw people showing off their Black Friday achievements on social media, I felt the need to buy something. After checking online for a while—and also because my salary was delayed—I got my salary this afternoon. However, seeing those utility bills taken immediately this morning, my account didn’t increase, I felt anxiety. A stable income is what I really need. I’ve never had it from this job; in one year, they’ve delayed payment four times, meaning 1/3 of the time they didn’t pay on time. Their statement about the company’s financial situation having no problems doesn’t sound persuasive.

It is the last month of this year, and it’s quite scary how fast one year can be. I organised my room last weekend to prepare for the new year. Living in a simple, tidy place makes my mind feel fresh. I tried to get rid of things I hadn’t used for two years and some clothes I wore too often, which made me lazy to try other clothes. It’s interesting that people don’t want to throw away things that carry memories, even if they won’t use them anymore. Similarly, people don’t throw away things they use too often, even if they have nine others with the same function—they still use the one. Both of these situations aren’t good for me. I don’t want to indulge in my past, and I don’t want to repeat the same things and stay in my comfort zone.

Another thing I realised is that I use social media too much, making it hard to focus on studying one thing. I wonder why people on social media always seem rich and successful. I try to get ideas and bookmark so many people’s guidelines about business, careers, handcrafts, cooking—everything. But most of them, I don’t really watch to the end. I just bookmark them, and they lie in my list, never opened again.

This month, I want to give myself some time without browsing social media or learning others’ secrets to success. I just want to understand myself and become a better version of me.